This section definitely applies to those who can answer yes to the following questions:

• Are you suffering from someone’s excessive drinking, drug use, gambling, etc.?
• Do you feel anger, pain and confusion because you cannot influence your loved one’s drinking, using, gambling?
• Do you feel that life has become unmanageable and is completely subordinated to your loved one’s drinking, using, playing?

Any human addiction to psychoactive substances (alcohol, drugs, etc.) or processes (gambling, computer use, etc.) affects the surrounding people, and especially family members. This phenomenon is called codependency. Just as the process of addiction cannot be controlled only by willpower and character, the process of co-dependence is also subject to certain regularities and is often not clearly identified, controlled and mitigated. Codependence usually develops in families where there are some problems and it is related to the division of roles in the family (the inner nature of a person does not match what he learns to show on the outside).

Psychologists estimate that for every addicted person there are at least four codependent family members. Looking at the statistics of patients suffering from addictions, the number of co-dependent people could be at least 70,000. Of course, this is a very approximate and hypothetical number, but we assume that in reality it is significantly higher.

How does co-dependent behavior manifest itself?

• Those close to the addict often adapt to the addict’s destructive behavior, actions that are actually disadvantageous, disruptive, even destructive to them.
• The codependent calls the other person’s problem his own, it is difficult for him to distinguish where he himself, his thoughts and feelings are, and where the other person’s feelings, actions, etc. begin.
• Relatives of an addicted person often have low self-esteem, they adapt to the addict’s destructive behavior, actions, feel a great sense of guilt, anger, shame, pain, fear, loneliness, and also feel guilty for the other person’s addiction and allow themselves to be hurt.
• Often, co-dependent people take responsibility for the addict – they try to “save” him and prevent him from enjoying the consequences of his actions, but this, on the contrary, does not stimulate the addict’s motivation to seek treatment.
• It is said that a codependent person always knows what and how the other person should do, but it is difficult for him to answer the question of what he wants and how he feels.
• On the one hand, a co-dependent person tends to control the addict, condemn or show how good and how bad he is – the addict, on the other hand, feels a great sense of guilt, anger, shame, pain, fear, loneliness.
• Codependent people are “obsessed” with the addict, with the desire to save him, to show others that everything is fine with himself and his family. Active operation in constant “motion” allows him not to feel pain, not to see what is happening, to forget about his needs.

Such behavior cannot continue indefinitely, because often a codependent person “collapses”, destroys his health even faster than codependents, because no one cares about codependents – everyone saves the addict.

Helping a co-addict can also indirectly help the addict’s recovery process effectively, even if the addict themselves refuses any form of treatment. Therefore, co-dependent people are recommended to seek help in order to understand the disease of addiction and co-dependence, to be more aware of their needs and their inadvertent contribution to the maintenance of a loved one’s addiction, to receive support in experiencing their emotions and creating a healthy distance from the destructive choices and behavior of the addicted person.

An addicted person can best be helped if the co-dependent person separates from their destructive behavior, becomes aware of their needs and emotions and begins to take care of themselves, and allows the addicted person to experience the consequences of their addictive behavior. It may seem cruel, because it is customary to save the addict from trouble, pain, losses, but unfortunately – at the expense of the co-dependent’s own health and psychological well-being.

Possibilities of receiving help for dependent people:

• Self-help groups for co-addicts (Al-Anon, Nar-Anon)
• http://www.alanon.org.lv/ http://www.nepaliecviens.lv/lv/aktualitates/1781-palidziba-atkarigajiem-atkarigo-berniem-gimenem-un-vinu-tuviniekiem-2018 
• Consultations with specialists in addiction issues (psychologists, psychotherapists), including classes provided by specialists of the Addiction Prevention Sector of the Riga Social Service
• http://www.veseligsridzinieks.lv/atkaribas-profilakses-palidzibas-iespejas/#more-2222
• http://www.ld.riga.lv/lv/RSD_atkaribas_profilakse.html

Recommended reading on addiction and codependency:

Codependent No More by Melody Beattie.

Adult Children Secrets of Dysfunctional Families: The Secrets of Dysfunctional Families by John C. Friel Ph.D. and Linda D. Friel M.A.

Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood.

Addictive Thinking: Understanding Self-Deception by Abraham J Twerski M.D.

References:

veseligsridzinieks.lv; esibrivs.lv